(I hope she won.)

In the world of foppery, nothing says "autumn" like a crisp, new, expensive cycling-specific dress shirt. This essential garment tells your colleagues at the architectural firm, ad agency, or design collective that it's "back to business," and is the perfect complement to that designer "fixie" and that $75 haute barber shop-style haircut. So when the press releases of autumn alighted in my electronic mail inbox like so many fallen leaves, it was no surprise that one of them heralded the "dropping" of the Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt:

The above image shows just what a powerful tool the right cycling-specific dress shirt can be. Would you commission a "green" summer home or conduct "Internet 2.0"-related business with this fellow? I certainly would. In fact, I wouldn't even need to see his renderings for my multi-million dollar "minimalist" beach house made entirely of recycled beverage containers and featuring no less than seven composting toilets, nor would I even bother to listen to his explanation as to why building a new "green" home is somehow more "sustainable" than simply buying an existing one, for his glasses, haircut, and shirt would be all the reassurance I needed. And if this photograph is somehow not enough to convince you that you need to add an Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt to your wardrobe, here's the accompanying copy:

Quite simply a better men's dress shirt. Our patent pending Pivot Sleeve Shirt fits better and opens up a wide range of motion constrained by traditional shirt constructions. We custom developed the Blazed Cotton fabric to create a quality shirting that stays crisp, clean and dry while living life in action.

Yes, simply slip on an Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt and you'll marvel at the new range of motion it offers you--in fact, you'll execute movements you never even knew existed. This is because "traditional shirt constructions" are a holdover from the Victorian era and are deliberately constraining and repressive. For example, the "foffing off" motion can be exceedingly difficult in a "traditional shirt construction," whereas "pivot sleeves" will expose you to exciting new feats of auto-erotic manual dexterity such as the "reverse grip," the "prayer grip," and even the difficult yet rewarding "between-the-legs ball dribble."

By the way, I should point out that "shirting" is garmento-speak for "the stuff you make shirt out of," and should not be confused with "sharting," which is something else entirely. (Though I understand the Outlier Blazed Cotton Pivot Sleeved Shirt is completely shart-retardant.) If you're still confused, here's a handy pronunciation guide:

--Shirting

--Shart

And, just for fun, there's also this.

Having grown up in the Paper Age, I'm here to tell you that looking up dirty words in the dictionary is far more rewarding in the Internet era.

Now that everybody knows the difference between "shirting" and "sharting," I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know it (though you should try to refrain from "sharting" yourself with excitement), and if you're wrong you'll see dickheads.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may you enjoy the full range of motion afforded by a well-engineered shirt this weekend.

--BSNYC/RTMS